The Rules (and not the dating kind)

One of the members of our WomenSuite group on LinkedIn posted a discussion about the importance of etiquette in the workplace and I was really happy to see the topic being discussed.  I believe that understanding manners, protocol and etiquette (these are all different, by the way) is of considerable importance as one moves up the professional ladder.

Photo credit: Maui unsettled (Flickr)

Most importantly, manners, etiquette and protocol make others comfortable and enable smooth interactions–both of which are indispensable to good relationship building. And as I’ve often said, relationships are critical to women of color’s professional and personal advancement because of our natural distance from the predominantly white male power structure.

Understanding these graces also serves as a point of entry or access into certain social circles where such behaviors are rigorously observed. Once you reach a certain level of prominence (and often well before that), a lack of knowledge concerning these social matters may (and often will) cause you to be viewed negatively. Don’t think that these things are insignificant, because they’re not.

A word of caution: if you are thinking about ignoring this post because you haven’t had alot of exposure to these kinds of issues, or because you think this stuff doesn’t matter, think again.  The interesting thing about manners, etiquette, and protocol is that you don’t get to make the rules–they’ve existed for many years (in some cases centuries)!  It’s easy to ignore something that you don’t understand, but it doesn’t help you grow.

That said, I am no Mrs. Letitia Baldridge–the famed former Social Secretary for Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis when she was First Lady, and an extraordinarily elegant woman in her own right–but below are a few definitions you may find helpful from the New Oxford American Dictionary (2nd ed.):

Manners generally refers to “social behavior or habits.”

Etiquette is “the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group.”

Protocol refers to “the official procedure or system of rules governing affairs of state or diplomatic occasions.”

I realize these terms are used interchangeably, but there are subtle differences: for example, a young man opening the car door for a young woman on a date would be considered good manners (a social custom), while the seating arrangements of the Supreme Court Justices is a matter of etiquette (specific rules for a group of judges/attorneys), and the manner in which Ambassadors enter the U.N. General Assembly is an issue of protocol (involvement of diplomats).

It would be impossible for me to adequately describe the various requirements for manners, etiquette, and protocol. What I can do is provide you with resources that you can use for self-assessment and personal improvement.  Below is a listing of books and courses that may be helpful to those of you who are interested:

BOOKS

New Manners for New Times -Letitia Baldridge

Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Freshly Updated – Judith Martin

Tiffany Table Manners for Teenagers (get the kids started early!)

COURSES

Protocol School of Washington (DC) – offers etiquette and protocol training

(You may also want to do a Google search for a local etiquette school)

I hope these resources are helpful to you, and I wish you all the best in your efforts.

Also, I still owe you a post on dealing with hypervisibility–next post, definitely!